I put my head in my hands, facing the obvious reality of the morning: I’d done it AGAIN. I had sent my children off to school, to the big unknown, without words of encouragement or even one little utterance of blessing. I’d been critical and harsh. Unmerciful. Instead of building them up like a “good mom” would do, I’d torn them down with my biting words and mom’s-about-to-lose-it actions.
My internal frustration tank was full and it was only 9 o’clock in the morning. All I had been doing for the last hour was playing the role of referee, separating the players as the intensity of the sibling squabbles heightened. My ability to laugh at the minor morning bickering and petty chore complaints (“Why do we always have to make our beds?”) had long disappeared, leaving behind one fuming mama. I was sick and tired of breakfast and devotional time turning into Attitude Adjustment 101.
Failure loomed large like a dark nimbus cloud over my head. I couldn’t even think about getting ready for work. With tears streaming down my face, I made my way into the living room and sank into the comforts of our well-loved couch.
“God, I think I’m ruining my children. I’m the last person on the face of the earth who should have a blog about motherhood. Please infuse LIFE into my heart, my soul, my very bones, so that I can rebuild the relationship with my kids and speak life and Your message of hope into their hearts. Forgive me, Lord. Help me start again. Thank You for Your grace which You unfailingly extend toward me. Toward us.”
I remained burrowed, all curled up into a little ball, feeling so small in the presence of a very big God. Through gulps and whispers I continued to empty out all my fears, all my inadequacies, all my longings. And as my tearful prayer ended, a peace which surpasses all understanding covered me, soothing me. Where I was disturbed and distressed before, now calm assurances quieted my soul: “Don’t despair, My daughter. Don’t give up. You are chosen. You are loved. You already have what it takes to care for these little people. Just lean into Me. Trust Me, My child. It’s all going to be okay.”
So maybe I hadn’t totally messed up my kids with my morning of Extreme Mama Meltdown. In fact, God was going to give me another chance in just a few hours when I picked them up from school to start anew. Another chance to love them with a Christ-like love, infusing them with His hope, training them up in the way they should go, and equipping them with His unshakable grace and truth.
Matt Maher’s song “Lord I Need You” rang in my ears as I launched Part 2 of my day. (It has become the anthem of my mothering as of late.) My heart needed to marinate in its message. To play it on Repeat for my soul. And as I absorbed the truth behind the words, I thanked God for Do-Overs and mercies that are new every morning.
Where are you in your mothering journey today? Mind if I ask you to do a little something? Read Psalm 139:1-5 and 1 John 4:7-19. Soak up the love of the Father. Shower yourself in His goodness. And as you rejoice in His truths, may you return to the journey revitalized and ready for whatever He may have for you and your family today.
May we love, and LOVE WELL, because of His great love for us.
Here at The Masterpiece Mom, we’re cheering for you! We want you to know to the very core of your being that you are loved. That you’ve already got what it takes. And when those days of failure and self-doubt creep in, we want to help you backhand them with a little Masterpiece proof — Ephesians 2:10 style:
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus,
so we can do all the good things He planned for us long ago.”
Here’s some hugs for your day, mom!!!
Until next time…
Latest posts by Anne-Renee Gumley (see all)
- A Letter to My Young Mom Self - October 16, 2017
- Losing My Cool and Finding Unexpected Grace in Its Place - October 2, 2017
- Because We’re Wired for Friendship - September 12, 2017