I stared at the words dancing on the page before me, heart beating quickly, face flushed, hands clammy.
He designed me for Him, to be loved by Him, to walk with Him … living in response to that love.
(The Mended Heart – by Suzanne Eller, page 10)
Whoosh. Just reading about His love for me gave me goose bumps causing my heart to overflow. And kind of panic.
Because it’s a little uncomfortable. Almost too good to be true.
Like a delicate flower, I’m afraid I’ll crush it. It seems too big of a gift. Too much attention for a girl like me.
Too good. Too big. Too much.
For He sees all my mistakes. He knows the yuck hidden within the crevices of my heart. He hears when I lose it with my kids. He listens to me lose it with my husband. He knows my selfishness. He knows my anxious thoughts. He can read my mind, for goodness’ sake! He knows my past. He knows my future.
And yet. And yet … He loves me.
I love to tell others about God’s overwhelming, never-stopping love for them.
I find myself speaking words of courage and words of comfort to those God puts in my path, when in all reality, these are the very words my soul needs to hear too.
I love to share the masterpiece message. That we are made in His image. Bearing the mark of the One True God. Stamped with His love and imprinted with His truth upon our hearts: That we are His children. His delight. His workmanship.
And yet my heart struggles to wholly connect with this amazing reality. That I am FULLY KNOWN and FULLY LOVED.
I don’t have to try and earn His affection.
Our role is to accept His love, and then to allow that love to lead us to love others.
(The Mended Heart – by Suzanne Eller, page 30)
It’s not a matter of how much I love (which is ME-based), but simply resting in that love which is already established (GOD-based).
It’s not dependent on what other people think of me. Or how much they love me.
This is not a he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not kind of love, full of fickle intent and ambiguous conditions.
It exists because God made it so. Demonstrating the depth and magnitude of His love in sending His only Son to die on the cross. For me.
The gift is here. The gift is now. Waiting. No strings attached. And mine for the taking.
I can rest — soaking in His love, giving my heart permission to overflow. And as I do, I tell my soul that it’s okay to fully relish in His acceptance and affection. That this love won’t disappear. It won’t fade. It’s not a people kind of love. It’s the God kind. And this love is here to stay.