At the start of summer break, I set a few simple goals for myself. I’d finally have some wiggle room in my schedule now that I was done with the back and forth to school for drop-offs and pick-ups and the early morning getting ready session with three of my eight without waking the rest of the house. Obviously I’m not the only mom in the world driving carpool or tip-toeing around early with her kids, but this first year of it after ten years of nowhere-to-be homeschool mornings felt a bit like death. Summer was going to be my savior — my freedom.
I was sure this would be the best summer ever. I’d get things done in the wee hours, leaving me free to devote all time and energy to the kids once the pull of “my things” was gone. I really wanted to be rid of the pull.
My summer goals were as follows:
1. Get up two hours before the kids to read my Bible, pray, write, complete tasks on the computer, get dressed and ready, and ultimately enjoy some peace before greeting the herd of crazy wonderful that greets me at 8:30 a.m. for breakfast.
2. Exercise a few times a week during those morning moments.
3. Get to bed at a decent time so I actually feel like getting up two hours before the kids.
Simple. Helpful. Doable.
Or so I thought.
Care to guess how many times I’ve actually reached these goals since school let out seven weeks ago? ZERO. Sigh. Zero.
Every single day I wish it were different. I’ve not gotten up once two hours before my crew. And the only exercise I’ve gotten are the walks and bike rides I’ve taken with the kids. I’m happy about those. I truly am. But my work has been squished in between noisy times, lunch and dinner-making times, and too tired-at-night times. Not the best environment for work that loves quiet.
While I look back at the last seven weeks with some regret and frustration, it’s gotten me thinking.
Expectations and unmet goals aside, what do I really need?
Right now in this season, what do my mind, body, and soul truly need?
Rest. The conclusion I always reach is rest.
I don’t always like that answer. I do love to rest. But I don’t like to waste.
So resting right now when I actually have time to get my stuff done feels wasteful and wrong.
But I’m going with it. I’m sleeping until my eyes pop open and I’m resting in the weightlessness of less expectation.
I know for certain I don’t need to pile more expectations on myself. They can be such purposeless kill-joys.
Maybe you need to ask yourself the same kind of question I asked myself: Expectations aside, what do I really need?
Right now in this season, what do my mind, body, and soul truly need? How about we make this summer one where we let expectations float away on the breeze so what we really need is weightless enough to take flight.