Changing Me Because I Can’t Change Them

 

I can be really judgmental about my kids’ behavior.

It’s something I’m trying to be intentional about changing.

They sin differently than me at times. They sin the same as me at times.

But for some reason, I get it in my head that I need to fix them rather than fix me.

We’re moms — so we train, we teach, we love, and we lead, and we should expect obedience from our kids, but sometimes we blur those lines and act as if we’re responsible for their choices and the outcome of our training, teaching, loving, and leading.

That was a mouthful. Basically, we’re responsible for teaching the correct way, they’re responsible for their response.

I spend so much time wishing my kids would change their behavior (because honestly it makes my life a whole lot easier) that I forget I can change my reaction to and thoughts about it instead of fixating on fixing them.

Changing Me Because I Can't Change Them quote

I think we know that all the nagging, pleading, and frustration in the world will not change our kids’ actions.

It comes from a heart that desires change.

Discipline sometimes works, but not always (as I’ve seen firsthand with some of my kids). But it doesn’t mean we give it up. Consistent and loving discipline is the wise and proper course for godly parents. Regardless of the response or results, we must remain consistent and loving extending real-world consequences for misbehavior.

As we move into breezy summer days, may we relax our grip on controlling our kids’ actions, and abide in Christ-like unconditional love and consistency, regardless of the outcome.

Amanda Bacon
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Amanda Bacon

Amanda is the mother of eight kids through birth and adoption and has been married for eighteen years to the most helpful man on the planet. She is an encouraging voice for moms everywhere through the written and spoken word. In addition to The Masterpiece Mom blog and podcast, she also writes at AmandaBacon.com and is over the top in love with Instagram (@amanda_baconbits). Come over and say hi!
Amanda Bacon
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About Amanda Bacon

Amanda is the mother of eight kids through birth and adoption and has been married for eighteen years to the most helpful man on the planet. She is an encouraging voice for moms everywhere through the written and spoken word. In addition to The Masterpiece Mom blog and podcast, she also writes at AmandaBacon.com and is over the top in love with Instagram (@amanda_baconbits). Come over and say hi!

Comments

  1. Hi Amanda,

    As always, I enjoyed reading this post of yours. I know I don’t have kids, so I don’t really know what it’s like being a Mom or having kids in your house that are yours 24/7. I won’t even pretend that I do understand, but I do have kids that I work with and kids in our family. There are some behaviors in some of my nephews and niece that I so wish I could change. Speaking to them or doing my own way of “disciplining” or “correcting” don’t work and have back fired on me way too many times. The last back fire that happened to me made me realize that I cannot change any of them no matter how hard I want to. I also know that my own response to their antics don’t help them and many times trigger a bigger problem (still working on that one myself) so I try to keep my mouth shut the best I can. I will say something if their folks aren’t with them, but if their folks are with them, then I try my best to keep my mouth closed in hopes that the parents will handle the situations. I have realized as I’ve gotten older (and hopefully, matured) that I cannot change kids or adults alike for anything. I used to think that if I did something long enough that the other person would see that the thing I was doing was good, then they would want to drop their habits of what they were doing, and follow what I was doing. Not so! Only God can change people, kids and adults. I need to work more on having more gracious responses. My folks worked so hard to train all of us kids in a Godly way, to teach us Godly principles, but even with that, one of my brothers went way astray for awhile. He has since come back, but there was a time when he was so far from the Lord it wasn’t even funny.
    Thank you so much for sharing!
    God Bless!
    Bethany

  2. P.S. Yes, Parents are responsible for teaching, training and raising their kids correctly in the Godly way, but the kid needs to choose for him or herself. I too become very judgmental about the behavior of my nephews and niece. There are some of my nephews that don’t respond to physical discipline such as spanking, isolation almost works better on some of them. Yes, nagging and pleading and talking doesn’t always work either. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost pleaded with my nephews and niece to stay off our stairs so nobody gets hurt and not to hang on the banister either. Thankfully, nobody has gotten hurt or injured while playing on the stair case, but I know the day is coming…..
    God Bless!
    Bethany

  3. Yes! This applies to husbands too! 🙂 I’ve been realizing how often I try to be the Holy Spirit in my family’s life and it does NOT work. Just learning to step back and let God work is so freeing. Recently read a beautiful book about parenting and LIFE called Romancing Your Child’s Heart by Swan. It was so eye-opening to me!

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